Three very famous questions asked by one of my favorites comedic actresses, Lucille Ball. I recall one of the best scenes when Lucy contemplates the who-what-where to get out of one the many messes she got herself into.
I love asking myself those questions just to get a laugh out of the reality that we all are subjected to on a daily basis. It’s my way of thinking back to simpler times, when I just sat in front of the TV watching reruns of “I Love Lucy”. How she got to do so much in such a small amount of time. Thirty minutes to figure out how to make some fast cash, getting her best friend to do it with her and starring in a nightclub show to stick it to her show-biz husband that she’s got just as much talent as he does, maybe even more.
First of all, I chose “First of all” as a blog name because I seem to always have a list of reasons for saying or doing what I want. The reasons may not be fully steeped in reality, but I go on my gut and 50% of the time, I’m right on target. So if I lead with first of all, after telling my husband why I don’t baby him when he’s sick, you best believe I’ve got a few past episodes to recall for my unsympathetic behavior. Also, when writing Firstofall together, it can read First to Fall and I kinda like that, I usually am the first to fall; off my bike, many many design projects, parenthood, relationships and so much more. Falling is great as long as there’s a trampoline or a mattress or someone there to break your fall! I once fell five feet into a window well full of rocks, that was a rough one.
Now back to Lucy’s version of Shakespearian questions, Who am I? What am I? Where am I? I’ll start with who. I’m a 49 year old woman who is a struggling mother of 3 boys, a combative wife of a very patient husband, cluster headache survivor of 25+ years, an on and off designer (former Barbie™ packaging designer) , a former hot yoga teacher (both hot and hot (haha)), instant friend, but awful gossip (oh how I try to hold in the secrets, I really really do!), furniture re-arranger, house painter at-large, landlord, tea drinker, no-recipe using baker, trained hypnotist, and wishful stand-up comedian (but just at my local club until I get famous and then I’ll do an HBO show), and finally, dreamer.
What am I? I have no idea, at times I’m just a skin bag full of blood, bones and organs. Other days, I identify as a native to this land, going back to my ancestral line of people that roamed this place before getting wiped out. Other days, I’m a privileged white woman that yells out my driver side window at people that don’t wear bike helmets while riding 2 inches away from my car. But this I can say, every day I am a person that thinks about 3 human beings that live in a place that feels crazy and unstable and unsuitable for growing up happy. Those three humans are my sons, ages 11, 13 and 15. Each one going through big moments in their lives that sometimes feel like an avalanche of shit barreling down a mountain straight for us while someone pours cement on our feet. It’s a lot. It can be lonely, frightening even, but when the shit comes, I look around and recognize a lot of other people standing with me, enduring the same stench. It does take a village to make me realize that what I really am is a part of something bigger than just me, like an ant carrying that small, but very essential crumb back to the colony, or wait, to the queen? Or the mother? I like that more, we are all here for our Mother. One big womb!
Where am I? Such great question. Lucille Ball meant it literally, where the hell am I? In a house in the Pacific Northwest, just blocks away from people that live in tents and people that live in million dollar homes. In a mind full of worry for our world and the kids that are watching it all unfold before their eyes. In a phone I can’t seem to put down long enough to respond to my kids question. I’m in a lot of places all at once and nowhere at the same time.
And the final question, why am I stepping into this blogging world? I have so many observations about what I’ve seen and heard. I’ve listened to many people that are watching it all unfold as well. I’ve lived long enough years to maybe sound like I know what I’m talking about and I have grown so tired of watching what I say when I just want to say it. So here I go, wandering down a path of stories and ideas and words and messages and meanderings for you to read or not. Just a place where I can allow my fingers to type away and hopefully relieve my husband of all the questions and answers that have been playing tennis in my head all these years.
Have a wonderful day out there everybody, and leave a message filled with your wise wisdom of you’d like.
kiss kiss hug hug kiss hug hug kiss kiss,
Monica
First of All... 